With every holiday season comes the inevitable gift giving anxiety. You want to surprise but you don’t want to stun (when you completely miss the mark).
In one of my favorite movies (dare I say an all time classic) Say Anything, Lloyd Dobler gives Diane Court his undying love and devotion (I mean who doesn’t want someone to serenade them with a ridiculously giant boombox?).
He comes on too strong at first. Diane’s a little freaked out. Sorry Lloyd, maybe your heart was a bit too much of a gift before you had even established an exclusive relationship with a girl. Diane fatefully reciprocates with a gift of her own.
Not wanting to be on the receiving end of a gift with nothing to show for it, she produces a pen to give to Lloyd. This spurs him to utter one of my favorite movie quotes of all time. It embodies young love, unrequited love, mistimed confessions and unrealized feelings. “A pen, she gave me a pen. I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.”
Being the giver in this situation is rough, but it is nothing, I swear to you, nothing like being the recipient. You know from the moment the gift is given to you that the thing you have to offer is nothing in comparison. It is an awful feeling.
I am here to help you this holiday season. Be prepared. Get a good gift. Don’t end up like snooty Diane Court before she realized what a lovable, sweet, dope Lloyd Dobler was.
1. For the man who likes to chill.
A rug. Or somewhere else he can lie back and relax. (It’s hard to relax when someone has confiscated your rug, and besides- it really tied the room together!)
2. For the girl who has everything.
Some fine foliage. Is it a houseplant or a true test of love? Want to know how well your significant other will care for a living thing before you decide to procreate with them? Or even before you buy them a pet? (Disclaimer: I do not actually think if a person cannot keep a houseplant alive it means they don’t love you or can’t care for living things. Some people just forget.)
3. For the person that needs to live a little.
“I carried a watermelon.” You can give someone produce, just kidding (but arguably one of my favorite lines from this movie), give them an experience, something to shake up their lives. Frances “Baby” Houseman is a total stick in the mud before she learns to dance a little dirty and finds herself a sexy partner. Dance lessons: you can both have the Time of Your Life (I know, can I get any cheesier? Probably.)
4. For the sporty girl in your life.
Women had the right to vote in 1943 when A League of Their Own was set, so why weren’t they allowed to wear pants? I am sure ‘dirt in the skirt’ got a little old after a while. Maybe buy your ball playing girl some pants. Appropriate sportswear that will let her focus on her game.
5. For the man who’s set in his ways.
Sam was stuck in a rut and was in no hurry to make life changing decisions. It took his young, precocious son hopping a flight across the country to get him out of his humdrum life. So you don’t have to be this drastic, but taking your significant other on a trip is a great gift idea. Or if you are in a long distance relationship, save your money for a few months and meet somewhere in the middle- seeing each other and experiencing new things is way better than material gifts (in my opinion at least).
6. For the woman who’s too busy to have her own life.
Hire a babysitter. Don’t bring your baby to a bar. Take a night off, forget you have responsibilities and make questionable choices! (Okay, that may be what led to you having a baby you bring to bars, but at least relax and dance a little sans children.) But seriously, an adult night out, dinner for two, a movie- anything that lets you get away for a few hours away from the little ones will be welcomed.
7. For the person who makes sure everyone is taken care of but themselves.
Massages and gift cards for a spa are awesome gifts to receive. Often times you don’t think to pamper yourself, or want to spend the money on it, so giving someone the gift to just go and relax a little is priceless. (Also a bonus if it is not actually a brainwashing session so that Mugatu can successfully assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia)
8. For the Girl You Like to See Naked (Or For the Guy You Like Getting Naked For)
Lingerie. I might be biased because I have an obsession with the pretty little things you wear to get naughty (or nice), but I think lingerie often gets overlooked as a good gift. My husband is extremely hard to shop for, he ends up buying everything he decides he wants. I started a tradition the second year we were married by filling his stocking with lingerie and underwear- for me. It’s really a gift for both of us, everybody’s happy!
9. For that special someone you like to get freaky with.
Jim used an apple pie, Michelle used a flute. Hopefully now that they’re adults and not in high school anymore they can buy some real sex toys. Personally, I love getting these as a gift. Again, it is the perfect gift for your significant other because it not only says that you spent time looking for something special, but also that you want to get a little freaky in the sack (and who wouldn’t want to know that).
10. For that pretty woman in your life.
Edward from Pretty Woman was a billionaire bachelor with a tortured soul and inner turmoil. He also had the money to spend on extravagant things. I’m not saying you need to break the bank to buy your woman jewelry, but if you make the gesture to buy her something pretty just because you think she deserves it, that is sweet. It’s the gesture of buying your lady something you think she would like- not because she needs it, but because you want her to have it.
Happy Holidays! Try to enjoy your gift giving events and if all else fails return it all and buy yourself a nice bottle of booze.
